Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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