is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
