she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
