Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
