i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
