The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Floor bacon is actually really good
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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