your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
