Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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