we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
