she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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