Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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