would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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