I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
