Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
