Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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