whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
