I puked a lego.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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