bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
