I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
