it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
