What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think my vagina is haunted
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
