just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
