You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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