saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
