Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And then my night got REAL pukey
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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