he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
