I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
