he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
