Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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