You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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