But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
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there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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