I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
