I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
