I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
