new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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