i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
