i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
