I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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