What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She's the barista slut.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
