Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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