she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
