don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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