Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
