Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
