What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
