I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
