let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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