Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's the barista slut.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
