i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
