Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
