you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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