Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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