I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
