It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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