All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
