It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
