Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
