I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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