I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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