so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
