No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
