Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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