Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
