this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
