corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
