A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
