i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think a kid would responsible me up
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
